Hot Takes IRL

By: Kevin Shi, Staff Writer

HEADLINE: I didn’t have time so I had ChatGPT write this 

By: Kevin

As a mediocre writer with the sense of humor of a 12-year-old, I need to write a short article that is observant of the culture at Kellogg, biting enough to highlight the ridiculous culture at business schools, but at the same time, lukewarm and uninteresting for people who have jobs and responsibilities.

Thinking.

Let me break this into parts.

In order to come up with ideas to write about, I have to get into the mindset of a late twenty-something student who has forgotten what the real world has to offer and still can’t deal with actual responsibilities like getting to class on time. I will be single in this case as people who have stable relationships and a strong anchor in their life don’t tend to get themselves into ridiculous MBA trouble. I won’t be divorced, but I will most certainly be in the future, so I think I can center a “Hot Take” around failed relationships. Kellogg’s general culture seems to be high school but with more drinks and a lot more money. I can frame the Hot Take into a story that resembles “Gossip Girl,” without the sexual violence.

First I’m looking for the most reliable sources. I cannot access WhatsApp, so I’ll go through Slack channels that are public. There is too much unnecessary information that is duplicated across channels. It is amazing students can put up with this. Let me focus only on the #hot_takes channels to get an understanding of what people are talking about.

Thinking.

I’m noticing a pattern across these terrible jokes.

Most of these Hot Takes are topical and ephemeral. Nothing of value, and nothing that requires an entire newspaper article length. It might be difficult to stretch, so I’ll limit it to 100 words. Also, some people shouldn’t be on this channel as they are polluting it with insults or inside jokes that are only funny to five people..

I’m not fully sure yet, so I’d verify if commenting on racism is okay before concluding. It seems that the people who bring up these jokes aren’t clever enough to talk about ICE or Taiwan in a meaningful way. Let me find a topic that is safer but less funny.

I shouldn’t target any particular students even though it would make the article funny. Oversharing is too common on this channel. Although this could be considered public information, targeting people in a public forum will be seen as “unKellogg like.” Let’s stick to gossiping about people behind their backs.

Thinking.

Let me create bulleted lists and short sentences in my final response so that it’s palatable for 2nd graders. People don’t read newspapers. No need to have complex sentences or struggle through word choices when all you need is content that is short and understandable. People won’t read this anyways.

Final output:

Consulting is lame because telling people what to do is not a job. It’s advice with a PowerPoint. We like to hide behind frameworks—2x2s, value chains, “strategic lenses”—but at some point, you have to ask: are we actually saying anything new? Reading Michael Porter or combing through 10-Ks for fun is ridiculous. That’s supposed to be prep work before you talk to a client, not a personality trait. I am certain bragging or even bringing this up for research is just a pissing contest for people on the beach. 

Consulting club events are no better. We all sort of know (and don’t really know) what each firm does. The whole thing becomes an opportunity for the most eager person in the room to force a comment, while everyone else quietly judges. Case in point: white socks with dress shoes. Why did no one warn the first years?

In conclusion, don’t be a consultant. Half the job is pretending to have answers, and the other half is hoping no one notices you don’t. The consultants combing through your resumes don’t know what they’re doing either. Read More Hot Takes IRL: Hot Takes IRL (March) Hot Takes IRL (February) Hot Takes IRL (January) Hot Takes IRL (November) Hot Takes IRL (October) Hot Takes IRL (September)