Hot Takes IRL

By: Kevin Shi, Staff Writer

HEADLINE: The MBAi’s should’ve graduated in the Fall

By: Some MMM (probably)

Have you noticed that there are less guys in the Hub? In case you’ve been living under a rock, the MBAi students graduated after the winter quarter. A full ten weeks before the rest of us. And honestly, it should’ve happened sooner.

Remember in undergrad where your friend graduated a semester early because (s)he hit the maximum credit mark? One day your friend is chilling in the library with you, the next week the school is forcing them out and their bank accounts are absolutely begging them to leave too. It stinks that your friend is gone but according to the university, they have extracted all the allowable value they can.

Frankly, we need to enforce this system across Kellogg. Not just for MBAi but for everyone. Here are things that should force an early graduation and place students on an “accelerated timeline.” Pack your bags, and free up a Hub meeting room for someone who still has the energy and bank account to learn, and force an “up or out” mentality to maintain the Kellogg fabric (or whatever).

Here are some proposed criteria:

• Are you leading a club or organizing events? If not, what exactly are you doing here besides consuming free food and saying you’re “going to get more involved next quarter”?

• Do you constantly show up late to class? You’re already on island time and it’s about time that you head out to a real island to work on your startup.

• Have you been a good group work partner or are you purposefully causing people to lose sleep over your lack of contributions?

• Do people find you mildly annoying? This seems like a Catch 22 because how do you know you’re mildly annoying? We’ll know, we’ll tell you.

Now, to be clear, this policy isn’t supposed to be punitive. It’s efficient. Kellogg prides itself on innovation, and what’s more innovative than identifying who has already extracted the maximum value from the program and gently escorting them toward the exit where we can charge an extra exchange student instead? Seeing the MBAi’s graduate early is promising. It proves that early departure is viable and the system can work if we just enforce some mechanism. Let’s kick the MMMs out early next. They already have a summer here.

HEADLINE: Kellogg students who went to NU undergrad: what’s wrong with you?

By: Normal Folks

Let me be clear, Kellogg is a good school. The professors are sharp and caring, the people are welcoming, and the alumni network makes you feel like the community has your back at all times.

But I have met a few of these Northwestern-to-Kellogg boomerangs, and I just do not understand it. You had your chance to escape Evanston. The world was your oyster full of beautiful cities with energy, sunlight, and sports teams that occasionally inspire some positive emotion. And yet… you came right back.

As someone who is tired of enduring the winter, the lack of Northwestern involvement with Kellogg, and Division I sports teams that somehow feel like a suggestion instead of an annual contender, what exactly are you doing? Are you dating an undergrad or something?

As an outsider, I just don’t understand the NU spirit. Maybe the broken down buildings and the quiet somber winds that flow through Evanston bring out the best in you.

I will caveat that I do think there’s something admirable about institutional loyalty. Some people chase new horizons. Others say, “no, this is my spot,” and commit to it like a salmon returning upstream.

But for the rest of us, the outsiders who willingly moved across the country to freeze here, we’re looking at you and just w

ondering: You had four years to soak in everything Evanston has to offer. And you decided to come back for two more? Read More Hot Takes IRL by Kevin Shi: Hot Takes IRL (February) Hot Takes IRL (January) Hot Takes IRL (November) Hot Takes IRL (October) Hot Takes IRL (September)