December at Kellogg: What Really Happens Inside the Global Hub
- Cathy Campo
- Nov 23, 2025
- 4 min read
By: Kellogg Comedy Club
The Kellogg experience is a brief one that lasts a lifetime. Students enter from all around the world, spend two-ish years in “Heavenston” learning new and creative ways to maximize shareholder value, and go on to a wide range of careers all around the globe, from consulting on ”restructuring” to lowballing retiring Boomers on their businesses, to vibe-coding some useless internal tool as a product manager. While students come from far and wide, for these Kellogg years, their entire experience revolves around just two locations: E2’s 4th floor and the Kellogg Global Hub.
For 11 months of the year, these are bustling centers of future Kellogg leaders. One serves as a place where record volumes of beer are consumed ahead of the night to come, where relationships and Turkey Drop decisions alike are made, where some of the best and worst ideas for the night are formed. The other is E2. But while E2 does its best impression of Bob’s Pizza and turns desolate nearly instantly after finals end, what becomes of the Hub? Does the center of the Kellogg Universe bear the same fate for the best month of the year?
The Comedy-Club-Turned-Kelloggian-investigative-team set to find out. Through imaginary interviews with staff, we were shocked to discover the fate of the Hub in December is anything but that of E2. Where E2 begins to rest-up before the big winter quarter ahead, the Hub comes alive and out of its hibernation.
Many of the typical routines for Kellogg leaders in the Hub remain. Classes continue to be held with Kellogg’s world-class professors taking the place of their so-so students. Instead of best practices in bean counting or seminar discussions on how to be a decent person, classes now center around the cutting edge of buzzwords and bovine excrement. Want to create a class focused on maximizing shareholder value and increasing corporate profits at all costs? Sell students on “Navigating the Complexities of World-Class Business Strategy." Looking for free labor for corporate partners’ side projects? “Fantastic Experiential Learning Opportunities with a High-Degree of Autonomy in a Fast-Paced Environment." Absolving yourself of the responsibility for job placements? “Learning From Peers Can be Equally Valuable to Learning in a Typical Classroom Sense; Be Sure to Leverage Your IPG Heavily Throughout the Interview Process."
Clubs continue to convene, with a slightly different flavor. Tastes elevate to match the moderately more stable financial position of Kellogg’s professors from that of its students. Brew N ‘Que is replaced with Ale 'N' Quail; Cork & Screw becomes Rosé & Flambé. Rugby Club is put on pause in favor of Polo Club, and not the kind you find at Macy’s. The Design Club, meanwhile, refocuses its efforts to pushing the bounds of what is possible in designing a process to bamboozle first years while bidding.
Kellogg’s existing leaders even begin to take on the personality of the students they typically oversee. Former consultants blow off their friends at the last minute and shirk all responsibilities to have a coffee with a potential client that will absolutely not be hiring them. International professors look to bring a more European experience to the Global Hub by chain smoking a pack of cigarettes in front of the building between classes. Clinical professors doing a rotation in the hub look to remind their peers at every turn how difficult their careers to date have been while simultaneously asking if you can explain inflation to them. Marketing professors look to sustain the personal brand their students have created, by talking just as performatively on the Spanish Steps with their ample free time.
While the Hub transforms in December, it does not lose its roots entirely. The bedrock of Kellogg, TG, still takes place in all its glory. But the December TGs are no ordinary TGs. Here, those responsible for inspiring the next generation of Kellogg Leaders put the talents that got them here in the first place on display. Leadership professors lead their colleagues into staff-wide renditions of Ratlin Bog to get the event started. Accounting and finance professors team up, keeping track of each beer consumed and publicly shaming those that fall beneath the 4.5x beer/hour multiple. Game theorists assert dominance over Stack Cup, and work to solve the age-old question of balancing game intensity and competition. Sociologists aim to expand their colleagues’ networks, by inviting their friends from undergrad who inevitably make a fool of themselves and their hosts. The Entrepreneurship department looks to bring their side hustle to the masses, with yet another group of Kellogg DJs taking the stage as their friends stumble around the room asking for a Zyn.
But the more things change, the more they stay the same. There is a lone constant in the Kellogg Hub year round. One that unites the entire community and stands eternal. The one thing that unites present and future Kellogg Leaders, a shared experience that all know to be true. As the Ski Club plans extravagant trips laden with fireball over intense flip cup competitions, the guiding lighthouse of the Kellogg Global Hub stays lit all year round.
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